A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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