I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
