??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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