His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As shirtless as possible
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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