it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
