thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize