even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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