But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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