You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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