I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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