Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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