There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
