Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
