Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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