i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
