I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
