I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
