He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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