i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
