it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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