the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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