I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't deserve a penis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
