similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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