My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
