no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
