So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
