he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
