If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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