WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
