He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
