On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize