Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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