I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
