Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
