That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
