thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how drunk are you?
Several
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
