The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
