youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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