get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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