Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
