im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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