guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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