so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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