I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
