i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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