My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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