i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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