I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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