they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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