Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize