she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
