I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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