all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
