Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
