so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Less talking, more tequila
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
