My room smells like vodka and shame
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
