we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
