Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
