i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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