I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
