I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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