Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize