ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
