i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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