The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
