but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
