the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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