i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
