She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
