No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
