Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize