i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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