If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
