What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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