You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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